Eggs

Eggs, where art thou? How we miss your oval beauty and deliciousness. How will we manage without this essential ingredient for our yummy baked goods and that pairs perfectly with toast? Where will we find the joy that we get from cracking the little balls of wonder? So easy to eat, so lovely to taste, what horror is besetting us? A world without eggs? 

If you have been to a grocery store lately, you will see the empty refrigerator shelves where eggs once sat. You might get lucky and be able to score a dozen, for about eight bucks. The bird flu caused millions of chickens to be slaughtered. And now, all eggs are as scarce as hen’s teeth. Which makes me wonder where exactly that old saying came from.

Oh well, we are resilient and have been through shortages before. Right? Perhaps I will go past the barren egg shelves and get some butter. But, oh wait, it seems butter is being sold at the same price as gold. By the ounce! OK, I will move my sorry grocery cart on to greater things. We can survive without butter and eggs. Maybe.

Shopping anxiety is evidently a “real deal” for Americans as we try to navigate prices, low product inventory and shortages. One woman in Phoenix broke down and wept in the supermarket when she saw the prices of items that were on her list.  

Crying in the aisle doesn’t help. Well, we did get through the toilet paper debacle, so we can probably cope with the egg crisis. But we better not get a headache over it, because ibuprofen is in short supply.

Which came first — the chicken or the egg? Yikes, if we can’t find eggs, what’s next? Should we buy a separate freezer just so we can stock up on chicken? Might not be a bad idea. I would like to get a few live hens. Sadly, I don’t think my HOA would approve.

When I was a child, my family had 20 chickens. My job was to fetch the eggs every morning. It was fun, until I left their gate open a few times. My mother and grandmother would have to run around with brooms trying to herd the chickens back into the pen. It was comical watching the chaos of the hens flying the coop. I was seriously scolded for “upsetting” the chickens because they would retaliate by not laying eggs for a week. 

Evidently, there are a whole bunch of “upset” chickens right now. I tend to shy away from conspiracy theories, but I do have a neighbor who believes there is an “egg plot” of some sort which is undermining a staple of Americana (doubtful). My doctor says we don’t need eggs because they are raising everyone’s cholesterol levels (oh, come on). 

I do have a full bottle of ibuprofen that I will gladly trade for a dozen eggs. Don’t crack up — I am serious. It could be egg-cellent.

Judy Bluhm is a writer and a local Realtor. Have a story or a comment? Email Judy at judy@judybluhm.com.